remember driving through the yesteryears...

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:29:24 GMT

This summer has been weird. So much has happened, and I don't really know what to think about it all. It's been too much to wrap my head around.

I'm doing okay.

I'll be fine.

i don't know where else to put this.

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 20:35:58 GMT

Carol L. Baker

August 25, 2009 Carol Baker, 46, of Waterloo. Private funeral Mass in Syracuse. Survivors: daughter Heather and son Christopher Baker; sisters Bonnie, Patricia, Diane, Theresa and Gail; brothers Charles, Robert and Kevin; several aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins. Carol was preceded in death by her sister Cheryl.

http://obits.syracuse.com/obituaries/syracuse/obituary.aspx?n=carol-l-baker&pid=132038249

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:58:06 GMT

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:09:46 GMT

301 entries [Search]

Last updated 2008-11-04 02:09:10

655 comments received, 666 comments posted

I really shouldn't even be posting this because it's fucking up my perfect number of entries (301 FUCKING MARYLAND SUPPPPP) but I'm just letting y'all know that I can never comment on another entry again.

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 14:44:19 GMT

i have a lot to say right now but:

+ waking up from really happy dreams and realizing that they aren't real is one of the saddest feelings ever.

+ boys are dumb.

+ if i don't get a second ticket for new found glory on the 30th, (FUCK YOU TICKETMASTER) i will kill myself.

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 04:04:17 GMT

i miss her. years go by way too fucking fast.

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 04:22:33 GMT

this is a good example of my behavior today.

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 08:41:10 GMT

+ i don't remember the last time i went to bed before 4 am.

+ hanging out in the living room with all of my roommates and drawing crude and awesome pictures on nintendo dses and sending them to each other is amazing.

+ my kitchen is so clean right now! and our living room looks cute. and everyone in our house is cute. we're a cute house.

+ molly lives with me now!

+ i need to work on not being an asshole.

+ i also need to work on feelings and emotions and shit. and not having them.

+ i'm a skincare expert now. yeah. that kind of rules. my skin has been kind of ruling (for my skin) lately too.

+ i need to clean my room. you literally cannot see the floor.

+ i made an awesome marinara sauce to go with my ravioli earlier. sometimes i am good at life.

+ i need a new crush.

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 06:19:18 GMT

i'm dying. and i want to sit on my couch but i'm not allowed to?

i'm sorry guys.

i have been throwing up so much. i really just want one of my roommates to sit with me. but no one is down. people keep comine in my room and saying sorry. but i can't really see or talk right now.

if i die. seriously. lauren mckenna. margaret brosnan. kristin oldham.hillary edwards. rocky hadadi. parker pillsbury. i love you guys more than anything. and y'alll nee to know htat.

not fair.

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 07:18:54 GMT

Fatal 2007 Fire in Maryland County Ruled Accidental posted 4:03 pm Tue July 08, 2008 - EASTON, Md.

The Maryland State Fire Marshal's Office says a house fire that killed three people in Talbot County last year was accidentally sparked by a cigarette.

Fire investigators said Tuesday that the cigarette was discarded on the rear porch of the home near St. Michael's.

The large waterfront home caught fire on Aug. 18, 2007, while seven people were sleeping inside. Three people were killed, including 20-year-old Kennedy Fitzgerald, his 18-year-old sister Margaret, and his 19-year-old girlfriend Christine Maier.

Autopsies show all three died accidentally from thermal injuries and smoke inhalation.

August 18th, 2008 is coming way too quickly. I can't believe it's almost been a year. I still have her number in my phone and her screenname on my buddy list. I don't think I'll ever erase them.

More time has passed without her than I had with her.

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 05:11:36 GMT

lesson learned:

i don't give my gut instinct enough credit.

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 05:46:22 GMT

oh hello, life.

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:54:54 GMT

[05 Jun 2006|10:47pm]
+ I feel like I have this big ball of emotions tangled inside of me like a ball of yarn and I don't know what to do when it comes to any of it.

yup... it never changes.

regardless, i deserve better than what i'm dealing myself right now.

Thu, 15 May 2008 03:59:13 GMT

marvin gaye and wine and hothothothot baths are sooooooo good.

Mon, 12 May 2008 07:08:06 GMT

you know the scene at the end of amélie when nino goes to amélie's apartment after finding out who she is? when they stand there in her doorway staring at each other until he leans in and softly kisses her neck. and then, a few minutes later in the movie, when they're laying in her bed together and she's smiling while he rests his head on her torso.

yeah, i want that.

Sat, 10 May 2008 05:07:18 GMT

i wouldn't trade this for the world.

creep and ralph.

sixsixsix flags crew.

this lady. so good. i'm genuinely lucky to know her.

FROM THE WINDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWS TO THE WALL. TO THE WALL.

my eleni.

home away from home.

my polyphenol.

fuck you, adams morgan.

mike likes me even when i've had too much to drink.

my southern belle.

cory is one of my favorite dc kids ever.

INTERNET REALITY COLLISION.

don't let me near flowers while i'm inebriated.

AMBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

ickle mckilla! best lady.

LOL.

oh hey look i parked a car and no one got hurt.

lovely child.

i love my house.

sephora girls. <3

SINCE U BEEN GOOOOOOOOOOONE.

"wait... are you guys gonna kiss?"

big cupcakes and big sunglasses!

never fails to make me lol.

the only boy that matters.

marry me, stephan pastis.

no, really, marry me.

the past few days... or something:

+ the flu sucks.
+ ella's is amazing.
+ i have some pretty amazing people in my life.
+ i am completely up to date on the hills now.

Thu, 01 May 2008 04:09:59 GMT

let's recreate ourselves
reborn of passion and will

the time is now for positive change
i can feel better days ahead

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:09:49 GMT

i'm so sick of being stressed and irritated and sad and sick and unhappy.

dear life,

i hate rollercoasters. stop this shit asap.

love,
heather

dear heather,

feeling this way won't get you anywhere. get posi.

yours,
life

OH MAN PIG

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 05:24:08 GMT

i should just get a pbs sleeve.

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 06:19:24 GMT

+
i ordered this skirt and it will be here thursday. pumped!

+ i genuinely like one dude but am focusing my efforts on trying to make out with another. i'm not so good with boys.

+ work has been ridiculous.

+ i'm getting a where the wild things are tattoo soon.

+ i need to go on more trips.

+ fuck the silver diner. i think i'm gonna be eating vegan for a little while because i got food poisoning from them.

+ i'm not so coherent right now.

funny how some things never change...

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 04:20:37 GMT

baker. (protonsareposi) wrote,
@ 2006-04-12 22:41:00

Current music: new found glory is all i ever listen to anymore.

you're getting worse, i swear it
it's hard to prove you're an understatement
you're geting worse and i know
that you'll be calling, calling, calling me again.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 04:02:12 GMT

things i like:

+ bubble tea (without the bubbles, i guess.)

+ late night visits from friends.

+ watching creepy movies with kristin.

+ creepin' on friends.

+ sitting on my back porch and eating strawberry ice cream on a sunny day.

+ my new sunglasses.

+bubble baths.

+ leggings.

+ planning trips. macrock next weekend. the beach this summer. vegas in september.

+ my tattoo. (i want more asap)

+ laura mercier liquid eyeliner.

+ british babies. concerned babies. tough babies.

+ the babysitters club.

+ dressing up.

+ little brothers named joshua patrick baker.

+ baking. (take that how you want.)

+ girls nights with ashley and margaret <3.

+ making mixes. anyone want one?

+ looking at pictures of my chrissy and talking about her with my rosie.

+ chainsmoking and shit talking with my polly.

+ caudalie's fleur de vigne fragrance and merlot shower gel.

+ lolcats.

+ puppies!

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 08:45:52 GMT

+ hollow words will burn and hollow men will burn. lyrics have never been more applicable to my life.

+ i know some of the best dudes in the world.

+ macrock in less than two weeks. i'm going to be SO broke.

+ i need to stop missing opportunities to get to know crucial dudes while inebriated. being too drunk to make out with someone or remember to exchange contact info is slightly ridiculous and i'm still kicking myself for it.

+ i'm too naive for my own good.

+ i can't wait for warmer weather. sitting on my porch in a skirt with a margarita in my hand and surrounded by good company is exactly how i plan on spending my spring and summer.

+ hillary and kristin, we need to have another baking party. it's been almost 3 years!

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:51:11 GMT

i just got tattooed.

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 07:31:48 GMT

six months.

i remember being at sephora, working the closing shift. about an hour in, i felt my phone vibrating. when i went on break a few hours later, i saw that amanda had called me but didn't leave a message. i went with christine camera to get food and was about to call amanda back when she called me again.

"heather, i don't want to have to tell you this. i really don't want to have to tell you. christine maier died in a fire early this morning."

i don't really remember how i responded. i remember thinking it was some horrible, terrible joke even as i felt the tears rolling from my eyes and stinging my cheeks. i remember camera asking me over and over what was wrong. i remember her grabbing my phone from me as i slumped over on the bench. i remember the look on her face as she fell down next to me and wrapped her arms around me after amanda told her. i don't remember saying goodbye to amanda at all.

my first instinct was to call chrissy. it went straight to her voicemail. as soon as i heard her recorded voice, my lungs and my heart felt like they were ripped from my chest. i called rosemary.

"rose, is it true?"
"i'm so sorry, baby. heather, i'm so sorry."

rose and i stayed on the phone forwhat felt like an hour, just consoling each other and saying "i'm sorry" nonstop. she filled me in on what had happened.

christine, ashley, and rose went to the shore to visit kennedy, christine's new boyfriend. they had spent the day out and about and came home exhausted. rose, ashley, and the other people they were with went to bed, while chrissy and kennedy watched a movie together. around 2 am, ashley woke rose up and their room was filled with smoke. they tried to find christine, but the house was already too far gone.

the next few days kind of blur together for me. i remember gabe and beth, her brother and sister, coming to check on me at work. i checked the news constantly, waiting to hear word of them finding her body or finding the cause of the fire. (we later learned that her and kennedy's remains were found together in a crawl space and the fire was started by a cigarette that was thrown out the window and blown under the porch, sparking loose wires) i wasn't eating or drinking. my skin was sallow and my eyes were red. my face was blank and i broke into tears every five seconds.

walking into the funeral home for her wake was surreal. i remember clutching camera's hand as we both started bawling. we fumbled for our tissues as we stood there, holding each other and gazing at a picture of chrissy. i remember looking at her artwork as a slideshow of pictures of her played in the background. danny had scanned in a copy of her fake id and i remember laughing at her smiling face on someone else's driver's license. i remember seeing her mother, who was the only person in her family i had never met. i went up to her and introduced myself.

"oh my goodness. you're heather. christine loved you and told me so much about you. she really wanted to help you."

my chrissy helped me more than i'll ever know. the only reason why i bother getting out of bed in the morning is because i know it's what she wanted for me. she helped me understand true love, true friendship, and true bravery. she still helps me now.

i know the hurt will never go away. i'll never miss her any less or think about her any less. i don't ever want to.

whoever said there's no such thing as perfect must have never met christine.